Wednesday, July 30, 2008

My Life Right Now

My Life Right Now
"Always remember that no experience in your life
has the power to "ruin" it. Every experience can only change or reshape it. Embrace and face that change without fear and grow. Be at peace, always." ~My Mom, December 2007~

This was the last conversation that I had with my mom...or that she had with me. Over the past 6 months I have had to remind myself of that constantly.

It does however seem that my life is now starting to semi fall into place. July 23, my mom's estate finally closed. Ironically this was exactly one year from the day that they told her she was sick again. Her birthday was July 21 which was fairly hard, but I reminded myself that it was just one day and she is celebrating the true gift of life right now in heaven.

I have an absolutely amazing boyfriend. He has been so supportive during the past several months through all of my ups and downs and my ski accident. He has been a tremendous source and of friendship and support through all of this, and now is a wonderful boyfriend!! I have never met someone as grounded and patient as he is. And ironically, my mom knew him and told me a long time ago that if she got to hand pick one person for me, it would be him. Ha ha, I wish she was here now to see!! She would be pleased!!
I (which really means "we" since Rog loves the dog as much as me) just got a new puppy who is great. I feel like the love of the puppy and the focus on him has really helped me. He is only 11 weeks old and weighs 27 pounds. (Mackenzie weighs about 28 if that puts it into perspective). He is a black lab and will most definately be swimming in very cold water retrieving ducks. Again, my mom would find this very fun since, although most people here dont know this, she herself used to be quite a duck hunter. Duck season was her favorite season. She and my Dad had this really keyed up duck blind with speakers that blaired out the duck calls. She was different with Gary, but that's ok. She would probably still be proud of my new duck dog!!!
Although, I graduated from MSU with my PR degree.....finally, I have not gotten a full time job yet and do not plan on looking until around December or so. I dont think that I am emotionally ready to tackle a real job yet. I am going to keep working at the Y coaching gymnastics which I love and than I will keep Mackenzie while Mary Esther does nursing school. I am so grateful that I get this opportunity, because I love that little girl and I know this opportunity will never come up again, and I wont get this time back with her.
Jay is going to MSU in the fall. He is extremely excited. I am so proud for him and of him. We have our bumpy moments, but overall things are pretty good. I know that if he puts his mind to it, he will be so successful in life. He is an undeclared major right now, but is leaning toward sociolgy and psychology (double major). He really feels like he has the experience and compassion to really reach out and help alcoholics and drug addicts and wants to pursue the knoweledge that education can bring. Ironically again, when he got clean my mom said "If Jay will ever admit and realize it, he would be one of the best D and A (Drug and Alcohol) counselors out there." Ha Ha, I dont even know if she ever told him that, but I think he is realizing it. Funny, how we remember little things in life after the fact. I am proud of my brother and hope that he continues to stay focused and do well in life.
I have a relator coming to my house on Friday to do a walk through and give some suggestions. I am ready to put the house on the market. There is a little bit of work to be done, but I am ready to move on. This was my childhood home, and has a lot of memories, but it is just too big for one person with the house, the acres, the pool and the pool house. So if you know anybody looking for a 3 bedroom 2 bath house with an inground pool and pool house, let me know! Wish me luck!
I guess that's what's going on with me for right now. It has been a bumpy bumpy year, but I made it and will c ontinue to make it. This experience has sucked in a whole lot of ways, but it has in no way ruined my life, it has only changed and reshaped it. As hard as that is, I have faced it, although fearful at times, and I have made it. Now that the estate has closed, I feel like it is time to grieve for my mom in a healthy way without the burden of laywers and bank accounts.
Overall, life is pretty damn good!!